The relationship we had with our mother as a child is of crucial importance for our psychological wellbeing later in life.
A little girl who was criticized or ignored or abused or neglected by an unloving mother becomes an adult who tells herself she’ll never be good enough or lovable enough, never smart or pretty or acceptable enough to deserve success and happiness. Because if you really were worthy of respect and affection, a voice inside whispers, “your mother would have showed you“.
The effects of growing up this way are painful and wounding. Girls define their emerging womanhood by identifying and bonding with their moms. But when that vital process is distorted—because their mothers are abusive, critical, smothering, depressed, neglectful, or distant—they’re left to struggle alone to try to find a solid sense of themselves and their place in the world.
It rarely occurs to them that their mothers were not loving, or even, in extreme cases, that they were malevolent. That’s too hard to admit, and allowing in that possibility produces acute anxiety in children, whose survival is so closely tied to their vital caretaker.
It’s far safer for a child to believe that “if there’s something wrong between us, it’s because there’s something wrong with me.” She makes sense of her mother’s hurtful behaviour by turning it into self-blame and feelings of inadequacy and badness, feelings that persist into adulthood no matter how accomplished she is or how much she is loved by others, including her own children.
If you were that little girl, the daughter of a mother who couldn’t give you the love you needed, you now go through your days with an immense gap in your confidence, a sense of emptiness and sadness. You’re never truly comfortable in your own skin. You may not trust your ability to love. And you can’t fully step into your life until you heal that gaping mother wound.
If you wish to go deeper into the process, I wholeheartedly invite you to join me
If you’ve lived with an unloving mother, her legacy is there every day in the difficulties you face, and will keep facing, in your emotional relationships as you try to develop confidence and self-respect.
I know, there it might be a time
Let’s do a short inquiring:
Take a moment right now to ask your self these simple questions: Who helps you feel safe and relaxed in your life? (don’t include your parents in this exercise)
Go back in time with memories to anyone with whom you felt safe and relaxed. Maybe it’s your spouse, sister, brother, grandparent, friend, therapist, teacher, spiritual master, or a person you met in a workshop. It could even be a pet you had in the past. Just choose one.
Whoever it is, think of any particular situation with this person. Picture them with as much detail as you can remember. Feel their presence, voice, touch, words, gestures. Anything that was significant for you, anything that left you with a feeling of wellbeing, love, intelligence, compassion, grounding and safety. Allowing the feeling to be there with your memories.
What is it like to be with them? What are the sensations that are coming to you right now? Where do you feel them in your body? Take time to expand your awareness and melt into any feeling is arising right now. If you want, you can even close your eyes and be with this feeling for some time. After you have come back, write down everything that it’s important for you to remember with this experience.
If you wish to go deeper into the process, I wholeheartedly invite you to join me to the next Primal Process which takes place 13 – 20 December 2020 in Verona, Italy in free COVID ZONE MORE INFO HERE
It is a wonderful process I am completely convinced of can change your life for the better by healing the relationship to your parents. If you are unsure wether it is right for you at this moment, don’t hesitate to contact me.